I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
