if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You were trust falling into bushes
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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