I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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