I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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