I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
