Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
