I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize