Dude my mom stole all your condoms
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
