New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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