I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
