Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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