i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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