you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
