well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
