i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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