I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
