Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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