I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
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