So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
