I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
