1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
