Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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