My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
