I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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