I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
