WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
