I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
