remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
