Define "chronic" masturbator.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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