Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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