we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
