they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
