I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
