It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
