i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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