Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How does one acquire holy water?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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