You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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