So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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