If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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