is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
