who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
