note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
