so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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