I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My vagina is officially offended.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
