problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I will pee on everything he values.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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