In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
