i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
