Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
