My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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