i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
