i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
