I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
