Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
