he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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