my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
