where am i from again
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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