Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
