haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
