It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
