So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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