JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
