this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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