True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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