So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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