I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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